Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream.

The Icehotel, its taken me a while to be able to blog about this one, even composing it in my head its hard to know what to say. Bare with me, there may be metaphors. The Icehotel had been something the rest of my trip formed around, something I'd planned for a bit more than a year really.

When I first started planning it it seemed like a fantastical idea, kind of a pie in the sky dream.
I'm gonna go to the Icehotel, sure, and while you're at it why not drop in on mars and venus.
When you've thought about something that much, daydreamed about it, reassured yourself with it to get through less pleasant tasks, worked your arse off for it and told everyone who even caught your eye in passing about it, there can be the danger of the reality not matching up to the imaginary.
This did not happen in my case. I went to the fucking Icehotel! And its made of ice! And I slept in it and didn't die!
Gah, I can only start from the beginning and hope I don't miss things.
So we flew in from Stockholm after spending the day wandering around there, love Stockholm, want to go back there, muchos pretty, read the last post.
I was exhausted by this point though, lots of wandering around and travelling in a very short frame of time for me and it really wore me out, I couldn't remember the last time I had a full nights sleep and I think the excitement of all this stuff happening made it even harder to try and sleep when I could so for the most part when I got to the icehotel I was running on fumes. That and how long I've been waiting for this made everything feel somewhat surreal.
As we flew into Kiruna airport we couldn't really see anything because of the clouds. Once we got below them Katie started excitedly pointing out the snow “where, where!” was my reply “Dude, the white stuff, on the ground” I still couldn't see it, deranged I was I tell you.
We land on a tarmac which is covered in ice and snow, it doesn't seem possible, and if it is possible it seems highly dangerous, but our skilful Swedish pilots managed it with no fuss, actually they might have been Norwegian. Kiruna is a tiny airport, the closest one to Jukkasjarvi where the icehotel is, and is about 200km inside the arctic circle. For those of you who are in Melbourne, its like Moorabbin airport but covered in snow.
They unfold these rickety little stairs and off we totter on the icy tarmac, now me, I do not have a reputation of being sure footed, a few months back when reminiscing with some childhood friends we couldn't help but notice how many of our anecdotes involved me falling over, into or on something. This phenomena only recently seems to have abated and I am falldowno free for 2008 so far but knowing this fact about myself always makes me a little extra cautious, the maternal voice inside my head berates me slightly “remember not to fall on your arse” it says “I wont” is my internal sing song reply, usually given right before I fall on my arse. Trying out my new sturdier legs on ice was going to be quite the challenge I thought but I can report, quite proudly I might add, that for the entire time I was at the icehotel surrounded by all that slippy stuff I never landed on my arse once, nor my face either. Apart from one tiny little almost slip in front of the webcam out the front of the icehotel, which I rapidly recovered from and made some gesture of turning around to look at something so it would appear as though I meant it, I was sure-footed as a mountain goat.

We shuffle into the arrivals hall at Kiruna which was, well, a hall, and then into the waiting taxi to the icehotel. We shared our cab with an Irish couple, and did the usual traveller banter. Where are you from Ireland Oh I've been there blah, where are you from Melbourne oh I've been there blah. Then everyone started freaking out a little at the speed the driver was going, but me, pah I was fine, speed, I laugh at your speed, I have been on the road in the UAE, everything after that is like a pleasure cruise.
It was actually no where near as cold as I thought it was going to be, it was somewhere around -4 to -10 C while we were there, the week before it was -30 apparently so we missed the worst of the cold snap. It was so dry that the cold just felt brisk and kinda clean really. We dragged our suitcases through the snow to the warm reception area to check in and get our snow gear. After dumping our stuff into our locker the icehotel chick hooked us up with the most amazing snow boots, they were so light but so warm, I didn't want to give them back. Snowbooted, we went off to explore our new surrounds. It was so silent there apart from the crunching of our feet in the snow, occasionally you heard some of the huskies howling but that was mostly it. We went through every room we could get into in the icehotel, some people had already retired to bed that night and the curtain pulled across the entrance to the room was our warning to stay out.
A lot of them were empty though, one of the benefits of going right at the start of the season.
My favourite room was one that was built to look like a tree house. You walked in the entrance and then followed these steps around and up into the branches of this tree that cradled your bed for the evening.
I have to say having slept in the snow room, which is a bit cheaper and essentially just a bed in an iceroom without all the sculpture, I don't really feel like I missed out on much not staying in an art suite. Its too cold to just hang out there not doing anything and when the lights go out you cant see any of it. Being a guest we got free access to all the rooms before and after the public was let in and out each day so we got to see every room relatively undisturbed anyway.

The icebar this year was Art Deco themed with these fabulous club lounges sculpted from ice and covered in reindeer skins so that you could sit on them. Incredibly warm those reindeer skins though I kept getting stray reindeer hairs on me which was a little creepy. A tip, remember to bring your gloves when drinking in the icebar. The drinks are served in ice glasses and I had a little moment of panic when I got mine as I thought I'd forgotten my gloves. I cannot for the life of me remember what my drink was but it was vodka and it was red and I wanted 12 of them. Such amazing drinks at the icehotel, I could have returned with Larry Hagman's first liver had they not cost the deficit of a south american country.
After we had drunk all we could afford and wander all we were able we decided to bite the bullet and turn in for the night. You go to the reception and they give you your thoughtfully prewarmed sleeping bag, then you are told to remove all your nice warm clothing and make a dash for it in your thermals, but you are advised to wear a hat. So off we went, me in thermal leggings, tracksuit pants and a long sleeved t-shirt, and my hat, cant forget that. I think Katie wore her PJ bottoms and a jumper. When they give you your thoughtfully prewarmed sleeping bag they also give you this sheet thing which its kind of like an envelope that you are supposed to stuff inside the sleeping bag somehow and then crawl inside the sheety envelope, inside the sleeping bag. I'm sure the reception staff just do this to give themselves a laugh seeing how long we will attempt to get one thing inside the other. Me I gave up in about 2 mins and used my sheety thing as a pillow, You do get pillows at the icehotel but they leave them in the room so they end up frozen. So we make our dash from the warm of the reception outside into the cold and then through the reindeer skin clad outside door of the icehotel and shuffle down to our room. The bed is essentially this unreassuring wooden board propped up on these bricks of ice, covered in a thick mattress and reindeer skins, the trick is to take off your boots without putting your feet down on the floor (its covered in ice and snow) then get your self inside the sleeping bag without falling off the bed onto the floor (still covered in ice and snow) and then find a way to stay inside it while you fumble for the lightswitch at the base of the bed (not by the door, coz the floor is covered in..you guessed it, bees, no, I'm kidding its ice and snow). This should be an Olympic sport. The first few minutes of our night went like this, I was really tired and kinda worn out from both all my travelling and the sheer effort of trying to get the boots off and the sleeping bag on, part of me hoped that I would fall into a hypothermic state of unconsciousness so for the first ten minutes I just lay there, mean while Katie was performing all kinds of gymnastics trying to get herself comfortable and silently resenting me for looking like I was comfortable. This took her about ten minutes, it was at this point that I realised death would not take me, and I would not fall asleep unless I could get myself into a better position but now I thought Katie was asleep and everytime you moved in one of those sleeping bags they rustled loudly which seemed amplified by the snow somehow and made me feel like I was carrying a squealing pig through a market place, you know how they make that horrible panic driven squeal but then the second you put them down wander off like nothing at all happened, that's exactly like those fucking sleeping bags, rustle, rustle, rustle that could wake the dead then nothing. Also the sleeping bag was kinda slippy, and I was trying to make sure that Katie had enough room so I was perched on the edge of an unsturdy feeling thing in a slippy feeling thing surrounded by ice. I would gather the sleeping bag up around my head like it was a cocoon and then try and gently relax into sleep but the sleeping bag would fall away and the cold would whisper in my ear like an unwanted lover. Then my hat fell off. Then I thought fuck it, and just fell asleep. Next thing I know a Swedish woman wearing a miners helmet with a lamp on it was handing me a cup of hot lingonberry juice (which by the way is delicious) and telling me its morning.
All we could think of was getting into the warmth so we downed that juice and ran with our sleeping bags, which now felt heavier than dead weights, into the warm changing area an our lockers. Both of us decided we were not up for the Swedish communal showers and headed straight to breakfast which was across the road from the icehotel and buffet style. Lovely.
We had a bit of a wait til we got into our warm cabin after breakfast, I nearly cried when the lady at the check in desk told me that, all I wanted in the world at that moment was a shower and a nap. But we both killed time in our own ways, Katie shopped and I wandered around behind the icehotel on the river and meditated to try and pull myself together and suck it up til our cabin was ready.

A brief moment to talk about the water. The do go on a bit about the water at the icehotel and its entirely deserved, it was beautiful, I gulped it down, it was the nicest water I've ever had in my life, so clean and pure it tasted of nothing but made you feel like you were drinking the finest wine, without the getting drunk part of course. I took a bottle home smuggled in my suitcase and treated myself to mouthfuls of it til it ran out. I have to go back if for nothing else than the water, everything else tastes like it came from somewhere stagnant and diseased.

Eventually reception woman took pity on me and let us into our room early. Ohh such a comfortable bed, I was never happier than when laying on it staring up at the sky through the window in the ceiling. I napped for a bit and then had a shower and then Katie and I pottered around until dinner time. I'd booked us in at this place called the Old homestead restaurant which was...well an old homestead actually, made from logs and all nice and toasty. They were serving a traditional Swedish Christmas dinner buffet style. All the names of the dishes were in Swedish but I know I ate reindeer and I think I ate wild boar, both were delicious but I wont tell the kids I ate reindeer, they would think their Aunty Jane cruel and unfeeling.
We had mulled wine seeing as it was Christmas and invited this woman over to our table who had come to stay at the icehotel on her own, turned out she was mad as a hatter but a good conversationalist and we ended up chatting til the place cleared.
Then we all wandered up to the old Jukkasjarvi church which is about 300 years old and took some pictures which were a bit blurry from my being buffeted by arctic winds. I had hoped to see the Northern Lights but it was a bit too cloudy while we were there. I shall find another way, might have to go a bit later in the season maybe. We wandered back in the snow for the last time taking pictures of anything we hadn't yet recorded, said good night to our crazy dinner companion and then wandered out the back of the icehotel to stare at the sky one last time in the hopes of seeing something northern lighty. When I went to bed I kept waking myself up having dreamt that they were waving at me like a glowing green curtain through the sky light in my roof.
Wish I was there for longer really. Will absolutely go again come hell or high water before its all melted away from global warming and a distant memory. I did manage to get some pretty sunrise pics on the plane on the way back though. If I die and it turns out there is a god, I'm gonna tell him, dude, nice job on the sunrises.

Its begining to look alot like Christmas

Alright so where were we. Gamla Stan, that's right. So after the all too brief night in the Yotel with the fantastic showers it was off to terminal 5 to get to Stockholm. We had checked in the night before and the website told us to turn up 45 mins before boarding but then the bag drop lady gave us a hard time about it saying we were late and might not make it through security so that stressed me out a bit before we got on the plane. I have to say I'm so sick of going through security check points. Its all a farce, elaborate theatre to make people feel relaxed about travelling when in reality if someone really wanted to smuggle something through then chances are they could. My brother John gave me a good tip for getting through the check points though. If you walk through their metal detectors and you're wearing rings or a watch or something like that and you have your hands by your side then it can set off the metal detector and they usually ask you to take off your shoes and walk through again. If you walk through with your hands behind your back it wont happen. I do this every time now coz I hate that beeping when you pass through the check point. So far since leaving Australia I haven't been randomly tested for explosives though, it happened every time I got on a plane before but clearly here I am not their target demographic for some reason. So got through security and then trekked all the way out to the gate so we could get on a bus and be driven out onto the tarmac to reach our plane. Nice easy 3 hour flight to Stockholm where suddenly everyone is deeply attractive, if there were ugly people there I didn't see them, ok maybe a slight correction, I saw 2 ugo's in a lift once but that was it, everyone else, gorgeous. They had that whole rugged outdoors naturally good looking thing going on, I wasn't looking at the women so guys one of you will have to testify to their fitness but I can certainly vouch for the guys. Was very sorry to leave Sweden I can tell you.
Worked out how to exchange my cash and got a locker for the bags and then a bus ticket into town and we were on our way. After consulting my trusty lonely planet guide book I thought that in the amount of time we had our best bet was to spend the day wandering around Gamla Stan which is the old part of Stockholm, Katie and I both like all the old buildings and we'd be sure to get some good photos so that was the plan. But how to get there was another question. Sure the guide book had a map but there seemed to be about 5 different stations called Centrale and I had no idea which one we were at. In the end we wandered down to the tourist information bureau and I, quite innocently I thought, asked the man behind the counter how I could get to Gamla Stan. “You walk of course” was his astounded reply. Oh really, coz I thought maybe there would be magical roller blades, a talking sheepdog and a rat called Elvis that would take me there and I'd have to face great challenges and learn important moral lessons about friendship and bravery. Yes, I knew that we could walk it but which freakin way is it, I felt like saying, but I'm nice, patient and nice. Actually come to think of it he wasn't attractive, an exception to my everyone is cute rule. Ugly angry tourist help man. Not bitter at all me. So with the begrudging help of the tourist information guy we wandered from the station to Gamla Stan. A beautiful collection of old buildings and invitingly twisting alleyways. Being Christmas everything was decked out very cheerfully and it was very much the storybook vision that you get of Christmas in a cold climate. Bits of mistletoe around and these paper star things that Katie bought a whole bunch of. A little cold but I was rugged up in my thermals and coat and little hat that I think makes me look like a bit of nipple but is warm so I wear it anyway. We wandered up and down streets and through alleyways at one point coming on to a square that held a Christmas market. Lots of very cute crafty things to buy that cost an arm and a leg and at least three toes, but still pretty, and holding with that whole image of a little snowy village Christmas but without the snow. That would not come til we reached the arctic. I definitely want to go back to Gamla Stan, and stay in the town I think for a weekend or something. Find out if they had some weekendy market festival type thing and hole up for a couple of days. It was a very beautiful place I thought, if I could get a job there I'd have no problems living in Stockholm.
Tired though I was after all the running around of the last few weeks and on less and less sleep, my legs said ow and my brain said no more shopping. I'm not a great one for shopping really, I have to be in the mood, generally if I have to shop for something I'm in then I'm out again. I'd much rather take photos than buy souvenirs so at the end of the day in Gamla Stan I was ready for a bit of a rest but we still had to get back to the airport and pick up our bags before we changed terminals and got on the plane to head up to Kiruna and I think by that point I was a little too over tired to sleep.
In our next episode: Katie and Jane enter the frozen heart of the arctic, where they get fantastic boots and free cookies. Free cookies, that don't sound so bad, hey Ma we's goin' ta tha Arctic!

Oh your pictures for today are of the little christmassy market thing in Gamla Stan and this shop front we found with a surrealist window display called Very Important Clothes. Cute it was.
Rock Town was also fun, go see the pictures on facebook I'm a little rationed with the internet at the moment so I cant load all of them up here.

The Tate, pieces of silver and how to kill time in London

I've been running round so much lately I don't even know how much time has passed. I shall break this up into a couple of blog entries coz there has been a bit to cover and I'd end up glossing over things. My week started with a job interview on Monday in Waterloo which if nothing else afforded me the opportunity to go and see the Tate Modern. A good bunch of the galleries and museums over here are free which is fucking awesome, you can spend whole days wandering around these amazing spaces without having to fork out a cent, or a pence or a pound, whatever currency it is that I'm supposed to be using now. I have a suitcase filled with the shrapnel of currency from 3 different countries at the moment, its annoying that currency exchange places don't take coins.
But back to my earlier point, The Tate.
I had time to kill before meeting Katie so we could head to Heathrow for our stay at the Yotel before we headed off to Sweden and so I followed this labyrinth of signs that kept assuring me that the Tate was mere minutes away when all of a sudden I stumbled upon The Globe theatre, its a replica of the original globe and its right near the Tate and the millennium bridge, I couldn't get into it because it was closed off for something so it will be another day of sightseeing I think so that I can get to go inside. I want to see a show there actually, that might be fun depending on the weather. I wandered a little further down the river bank as they had all these little stalls out, I guess its an every day thing maybe. They had heaps of handmade things, kids clothes hats, scarves and gloves perfect for the weather at the moment and various food stalls selling everything from wild boar sandwiches hot off the spit to rare breed beef burgers and mulled wine.
I ended up getting myself this handmade leather notebook I can use to write in. It smells gorgeous and the paper is made from cotton and has little petals randomly embedded in it, at 8 pounds I thought it was a bargain.
Took a couple of touristy photos of London from the millennium bridge and then wandered into the Tate for a look around. Its a fantastic space, would make a great performance space actually but who knows if they would agree to that.
Some of their surrealist pieces were really amazing.
There was this one installation that took up an entire room and it was pieces of peoples disregarded silverware, forks, spoons, knives, trays, teapots, sugar bowls, dressing table sets, all flattened with a steamroller and then arranged in these perfect circles that were suspended from the ceiling by thin wire and hovered about a foot off the floor. I guess its the obsession and the commitment to the idea that intrigues me. The artist collected all this stuff over more than a year from various op shops and boot sales and all kinds of places, these things that once, someone would have cherished, only taken out on special occasions, had a special place for and take particular care of and now its been discarded in some op shop to be picked up by just anyone and then flattened and hung from a ceiling like a dead thing. But there was something beautiful about the little glimpses of original detail on the pieces, little bits of engraving and filigree, the tines of the forks that looked like little silver tree branches after being run over. And how everything was still gleaming and swayed a little in the breezes as people filed in and out and moved around the edges of the room. Everything being arranged so specifically felt like it gave it some heavier significance whether it was perceptible to the person viewing it or not, that things had been placed just so indicated that someone ascribed a certain meaning to that particular thing, that those things were special.
I haven't done all the floors of the Tate so I'll be back there too I think, want to spend at least a couple of days wandering around the galleries and museums on that strip. The borough market is just behind there as well but they weren't open on the Monday so I'll have to head down there on either a Thursday or the weekend. The golden hind is down there as well which is this replica of a ship that was sailed by Sir Francis Drake and The Clink is there, the jail from which all other jails get their name. Looks like a bit of a novelty thing but I'll probably head in there too.
Made my way back to Victoria Station from London bridge and met up with Katie before we caught the national express bus out to Heathrow pretty quick trip which was good because by this point I was exhausted and it was freaking cold that day. What can I say about Yotel, the showers are beyond description. Far and away the best shower I've ever had, one of those big rain head shower things that pelt down on you like a tropical storm. The Yotel is this little hotel in Terminal 4 that is designed for short stays or for people who might have a layover of a couple of hours before they have to fly out somewhere, its a brilliant idea really and they seem to be springing up all over the place. They are modelled on the first class cabins of BA so the sheets are all high thread count and the towels are all nice and fluffy. We had a couple of issues with the TV and the Weatherspoon's next door had no food so we ended up having to scrounge dinner in the form of a sandwich from a Cafe Nero but still, the shower kinda made up for most of that.
Next time: Sweden, why is everyone there so damn attractive?

London baby, yeah!!

Alright so here I am then. Officially landed in London where I'll be basing myself for the next however long. Flew in on Wednesday night from Abu Dhabi on what was possibly the best flight of my life thus far.
A nice 8 hours which breaks down to about 4 movies and a couple of episodes of scrubs, food was fantastic and because the plane was less than half full I got my first choice. I had a window seat and the seat next to me free and had I been of a mind to crash out for the flight I could have snagged a row of four all to myself but it was a day time flight and I like to look out the window. I got some pretty pictures too which I'll try and attach for you. It was as all flights should be but clearly cant. It was about 1 degree in London when I arrived. Dark but with a clear sky that made it feel colder. I battled my way on the underground with my suitcases so I could get myself to Charing Cross to catch a National Rail train to Sevenoaks where Katie lives and where I'm staying for the moment. Felt kinda proud of myself to be honest, negotiating my way through London on my own laden with all my worldly goods. Katie had to work the next morning so I got myself up and set off to wander around Sevenoaks. I had to find a HSBC bank so I could open my account and deposit the sterling I had been nervously carrying around. What can I say of Sevenoaks? Its very hilly I can tell you that, really really hilly. After trekking up to the high St from Katie's I eventually found the HSBC bank and opened my account with a lovely young man called Matt who asked me “why the hell do you want to come half way around the world to Sevenoaks?” Since I've taken off on my big journey I keep meeting a bunch of people who tell me they'd love to do this, love to just take off. I don't really know how to answer that, I think if they want to do it then they should. I think the thing is though that to a certain extent it seems like to do this you just wander away and get on a plane but you don't, it took about a year of organising and a certain amount of time to reconcile myself to the fact that as many plans as I might want to make, ultimately by doing this I leave a lot of what happens in my life up to chance. Which I like for the moment at least. Its a ride. I just try and enjoy things while they're in front of me and then look for something new when they are gone. And so, on Thursday I enjoyed what my little bank friend Matt might call the dubious delights of Sevenoaks. Wandered through all the little streets and alleyways, had lunch in a pub with a gorgeous open fire, got myself a UK phone and tried to figure out how I can get myself connected to the net for as little as possible. Ohh here's a good tip in case you didn't already know it, McDonald's have free WiFi over here. You can go on their website and find out if the McDonald's near you has Wifi and then just wander in and connect. Very handy. Some coffee places do as well like the coffee republic if you bring your own laptop but Starbucks have a deal going with T Mobile where by you have to register with them and pay to log on wirelessly. I don't know if they do that back in oz, I never really needed to find out. I probably ended up walking somewhere in the vicinity of 25km around Sevenoaks got a teensy bit lost on my way home, well not so much lost as I ended up finding a long way, I also found a laundrette which came in handy for getting my washing done at least and I saw my first squirrel. Went to Tesco's and got Katie and I some dinner, a roast chicken, potatoes and frozen veg which probably came to about 3 pound food isn't too bad here cost wise if you go to the supermarket and are prepared to do a bit of cooking yourself. Friday was interview day, got up in the morning and wandered up to Dunton Green to catch the train into London. I'm trying to not complain too much about the cold because its pointless and I knew it would be cold when I came here but that morning was freakin cold I'm telling you. Got to Victoria Station and bought myself an oyster card and caught my first double decker bus to Chelsea for an interview with Sky about a job with them. It went really well and from what they were saying I've pretty much got it but as with any large corporation they have a recruitment process that they go through so I had to do some testing for them as well which was no problem. I have another interview for a different company on Monday, that one is based in Waterloo so I get to go to the borough markets as well. I should find out about that job within a few hours of the interview which means by the time I head off to Sweden on Tuesday morning I'll know if I have a job. We're staying in the Yotel at Heathrow on Monday night so we can just roll out of bed and into terminal 5, I'm looking forward to it. I'll take you some pictures and post them when I get back. I've spent the weekend so far being kinda domestic, took my washing to be done at the laundrette, went to Tesco's with Katie and we got the ingredients for Christmas dinner which I then cooked and we ate while watching the X Factor final, strangely compelling viewing, maybe all this air travel has pressurised my brain. It finally stopped raining on Saturday night as well, it started sometime on Friday night, I wish I could send some of that back to Australia, particularly to rain on Bendigo and over Dad's new rain tanks. It is eye poppingly green here. Tiny, narrow, ancient and green. I'm waiting for snow, hoping for snow. Of course I'm getting snow in Sweden but snow over a metropolitan area is different to snow in the middle of no where. There's this kind of hush that it gives everything which I find beautiful. Next stop Sweden and the Icehotel.
Oh your pictures this week are of the moon somewhere over Kuwait, Mountains somewhere near Tehran and the sunset and the lights of london from an Airbus

How far will a mango?

There are days when you brunch at luxury hotels and watch people ski in shopping malls and there are days when you just need to chill out and play scene it, on those days you blog about mangoes.

It was a big day yesterday, a day of wonder and adrenaline and I am feeling it today I can tell you. Happily we've taken it easy, watched a cheesy movie, played scene it (even thinking made me tired) and had a brief trip to Spinney's. Spinney's is one of the local supermarkets here, its popular with the expats seemingly and it feels a lot like going to sainsbury's really, much of the same kinds of stuff, fairy liquid, Cadbury's cake selections, Thornton's chocolates or maybe that's just the stuff that I noticed. As the UAE is a Muslim country, the sale and consumption of Pork is controlled and Spinney's caters to this for all the foreigners who want to by pork or pork related products. Anything that is controlled, in my eyes at least, develops a sense of exotic allure, the one sure way to make me want something is to forbid it and suddenly after my trip to Spinney's pork seems that much more attractive. They have this forbidden section at the back of the supermarket behind the cleaning products to remind you that you're a dirty, dirty bird. There's a beaded curtain and the waft of salami and as you part that forbidden curtain and take steps towards damnation you're greeted by a 6 foot pig in suspenders urging you to “Eat me, go on eat me”. Behind that is an Alladin's cave of gastronomic desire, pop tarts, spam and these German sausage things in a jar called knackers. I wanted to buy some for fun but Bec said no. I still haven't worked out why the pop tarts are there though, there were Quakers muesli bars as well which definitely raises some questions.
We scurried out of there like old men in raincoats and scattered to the four corners of Spinney's to try and reclaim our dignity. Me I headed to the fruit and vegi section, nothing lewd there. There have been points in my life at which my entire source of happiness has hinged on the availability of mangoes, the sky maybe falling, I could be homeless, destitute and without friend or favour to protect me from the harsh hand of fate but to see the gentle peachy blush on the cheek of a mango restores my faith in the universe. Where there is mangoes, hope. I judge the economy based on the price of mangoes, sure you need to factor in seasonal availability but generally it is a sound barometer of the fortunes of the world. 1 big juicy mango, 12 dhirums which is about 5 bucks. A little high which reflects the current economic crisis but still achievable to the common man. And what price the simple joy of a mango, its cheery glow and vitamin c to ward off scurvy. And so I have taken you a picture, may it bring joy to your heart as it has done mine. xxxx
NB: Spinney's forbidden section may or may not contain beaded curtains and large scantily clad talking pigs.

Snow in the desert, in a mall.

I don't really want to go on about it so lets get this out of the way to begin with. Driving on the highways in the UAE freaks me out. Its just so fast! I've never driven that fast before. And if it was just fast and there were no other hazards then that would be totally fine but you've got these other cars being driven by suicidal maniac types who are also doing 150km per hour and then over take and pull in front of you. Its scary. We were driving to Dubai yesterday and this black cat was in the middle of the road all of a sudden and we had to swerve to miss it, which can freak you out at those speeds. Bec and Ryan are both fantastic drivers, its everyone else on the road that worrys me. I'm sure I'll get used to it, yesterday was my first time really, the speed was fun, the other cars were not.
Let us never speak of this again.
Brunch in Dubai was awesome. I met up with my Cousin Ron and his wife Pat who live out there and we had brunch at the Jumeriah Beach resort in the Beachcombers restaurant which is this beautiful restaurant overlooking the Burj Al Arab and the Arabian sea. For the longest time I've wanted to see the Burj Al Arab, possibly the combination of too many documentaries on the discovery network and using it as the setting for a rpg once and yesterday I saw it. Its a little smaller in real life that I thought it would be but still, pretty impressive. Brunch is big on Fridays in Dubai, everybody goes out and settles in somewhere for the afternoon. Its a practise I wholeheartedly approve of, we had this beautiful buffet sitting overlooking the beach and chatting until the sun started to go down. I took a million pictures some of which I will post for you. After we left Ron and Pat we headed over to the Mall of the Emirates so Ryan could try his hand at snowboarding. That's one of the things I love about the UAE, you go somewhere and you'll find the most incongruous things, at Khalydia mall the other day we wandered past a roller coaster. In the Mall of the Emirates is a giant ski slope, chilled to a shivery minus 4 degrees you can hire skis, snowboards, gear and an instructor and settle in for an evening of skiing entirely forgetting that you're in the middle of the desert. If you don't feel like going for a ski then you can just wander around in your snow boots and big long down coats looking at the sculpture or having a little drink or snack from the ice bar. Was kind of a warm up for the icehotel pardon the pun. I'll be sleeping in that temperature when I get there, at least now I know its doable. We filmed Ryan having a snowboarding lesson, he did really well, I would have been on my arse in 5 seconds were it me.
Then at the end Bec and I, a little delirious from the cold possibly took way too many photos of ourselves mucking around in these snow caves. I would spend much more time than is necessary at the Mall of the Emirates if I lived here, and we only saw a little bit of it.
On the way home we drove on to the palm to see Atlantis, the giant luxury hotel that had the 30 million dollar party a couple of weeks back. Very pretty.
It was just a brilliant day basically, I saw some amazing things and relaxed with fantastic people. All this makes up for the year of planning, the endless running around and organising and the 24 hour not sleeping which included a 15 hour flight. Days like yesterday are my reward, and I cant thank Bec and Ryan enough and Ron and Pat for brunch. I definitely want to come back this way on my way back to Oz next year, I think another brunch is in order. xxxx

Frankly my dear I dont give a dhirum

Once when I was younger and still living in Elwood, I was standing on Acland St waiting for the 96 lightrail when I overheard a member of a small group of American tourists exclaim “Look honey a Safeway, lets see if its like back home”. In my head I mocked them of course, stupid Americans going all the way over to the other side of the world to look at supermarkets but today I kinda did the same thing.Khalidia Mall is right near Bec and Ryan's villa so today Bec and I braved crossing the road and wandered down there to have lunch and exchange some cash. The crossing the road is no mean feat either, I think I've mentioned previously how many accidents I've seen since being here, I felt somewhat adventurous crossing the road truth be told. I needed to exchange some pounds for Dhirum and there's a fair few places in the mall that do this, I had the misfortune of standing behind a guy who had decided to cash in what looked like the Vatican's riches but eventually I got my cash, the exchange rate is roughly half back to Australian dollars and roughly five times to pounds so 100 pounds yielded me about 530 dhirum. Cost of living wise things seem to be priced either the same as Australia or in some cases a little more. It seems to be kind of random really, some things I've looked at like a Garmin Nuvi GPS system cost about 5 times what it does in oz but some of the clothing here was really quite cheap. We went to McDonald's for lunch which is not something I generally do but it was cheap so why not. Had me a McRoyale with cheese in one of the old fashioned non biodegradable destroy the universe containers, took you a picture I did. Felt all pulp fiction about it actually. McRoyale with cheese value meal 19 Dhirum, destroying the universe priceless. We browsed through Lulu which is this huge supermarket, upstairs is the department store and downstairs are the groceries, being where it is there's all kinds of stuff to be had at the supermarket, beef from Brazil, baby pineapples from Spain and lamb from Australia. It would appear that they send all the best stuff away because I had some Australian beef last night and it was definitely better than what you can buy in the supermarket at home. I am unashamedly a sucker for a novelty candy and wandering through the expansive sweet aisle I found Cheebies, the fairy floss that turns into a gum, it might end up giving me testicles but gee its fun. Because I am a lover of the kitsch I took a picture of my McRoyale with cheese as well as Bec's Fillet o Fish, you also get a picture of the mosque near us that broadcasts the calls to prayer 5 times a day and Cheebies the magic candy, fun, fun, fun xxxx

The call to prayer and the screeching of breaks

Ah, Abu Dhabi airport. After a non stop flight half way across the world I felt about as welcome as kick to the head. My theory is that simply finding immigration should be grounds enough for entry.There were signs everywhere pointing to it, often in contradictory directions and once you got there is was a game of intimidation by the emirati immigration officials. I was a little freaked out, going through worst case scenario's in my head like will they let me in, will they contact Bec and Ryan or will they just deport me, would they put me in jail first, can I bribe them. I felt a little sorry for the woman next to me. She was from Idaho or something and when they asked her where she had come from, naturally she said Idaho, logically, that's where she lived but apparently her flight came via Amsterdam so Amsterdam was the answer the official wanted, “no no” he said “you come from Amsterdam”. “Idaho” she insisted not forcefully but with the confidence one has of knowing where it is that one has been “no you are not from Idaho” the immigration officer said as if talking to a 3 year old, someone elses 3 year old who you cant hit and has just crapped on your shoes, “Amsterdam” he reiterated. Eventually he wore her down and she agreed she came from Amsterdam there would be no more talk of this Idaho nonsense, this once proud American was now Dutch, at least until she left Abu Dhabi. After tense moments myself and the newly Dutch made it through, that stuff is hard when you're that tired, maybe that's why cults hang around airports and why duty free is so popular they get you when you're vulnerable.
I arrived on national day which is an awesome time to get here if anyone wants to make the trip, there are lights put up everywhere and lots of fireworks and everybody pimps out their cars with pictures of Sheik Mohammad and the flag, they silly string each other and dance in the streets particularly at intersections during traffic jams. Its one huge party to celebrate the uniting of the emirates 37 years ago, like Australia day on steroids it goes for 3 days essentially and people really go all out for it. As we drove from the airport, lights marking out the red 37 lined the roadway and blankets of lights covered every tree trunk, on traffic islands there were these lights that looked like feathered head dresses sticking up out of the ground which to me looked like a grave yard for Vegas show girls “Here lies Candy, she was fabulous RIP”. I crashed fairly soon after we got back to the villa, I was fairly non compus mentus, apparently I hit my head climbing into Pearl the giant 4WD tank of Bec and Ryan's but I don't remember a thing. That's not good right?
I still woke up ok though. Had a shower got dressed and Bec and I hung out for most of the day chatting and pottering around, it feels like anywhere really but then you hear the call to prayer or the all too frequent screeching of car breaks and you remember you're in the UAE. I love the call to prayer, its different each time and its tinny echo flows over the streets about 5 times a day. I miss dawn because I'm asleep but I still hear the midday call, one about 3, one just after it gets dark and another 2 hours later. I run to the window to hear it, there is a mosque a couple of streets from us.
The driving really is insane here, I cant tell you how many car accidents I've seen since I've been here, only little ones so far though and all day the screeching of breaks punctuated conversation when you don't hear the accompanying crash you have to laugh a little, that screeching is the sound of some idiot speeding down the road outside the villa and then realising there is a speed bump.
We went out in the evening to see some of the national day displays and negotiate the tangle of roads that the cops would seem to randomly block off every so often to appear as though they had some kind of control over the situation. This caused huge traffic jams but we managed to avoid most of them and drove down to the corneiche and up to the palace. Everyone seemed to be out and wandering around its a great atmosphere. All the buildings were lit up and one had projected images of the sheik on in. The Etisalat building was entirely covered in lights, like a giant birthday candle in the middle of the city. They are one of the biggest phone companies here.
I'm still a little tired out after the whole changing of time zones but I'm doing ok, we shall see what tomorrow brings. xxxx I cold only get one picture uploaded today because the internet connection keeps crapping out on me due to national day traffic, I'll upload more when I can.

I'm stepping out for a moment, I may be some time..

Technically the title of that last entry was somewhat misleading, I was departing soon but for parts entirely known, I'm sorry I lied to you.

If I'm going to be chronological about this, this trip probably started a year ago. Certainly the planning for it did. During one particularly hot summer I decided that's it, I'm not doing this again, get me to the northern hemisphere specifically the icehotel, the coldest place I could think of at that point. I had a desire, a need, to do something I wished for, rather than just wishing for it all the time and so this trip was born.
Initially it was just going to be a short trip, maybe a month or six weeks somewhere but as things evolved it became clear that I needed to devote more time to this and so I have. I gave up my house, my job, put all my belongings into various hidey holes with family and friends and have thrown myself upon the mercy of the road. I wanted change and now I've got it and so far its been pretty good.
My first part of this trip was probably before I left Australia, meeting up with all the family and friends before I take off. After I worked my last day at Optus, I headed to the airport and got on a plane to see my sister in Devonport. We spent the weekend driving around to have a look at a few places like the Anvers Chocolate factory, (I recommend the Mocha Walnut Fudge, my nephews Liam and Jayden liked the Buttersctoch Fudge.) and Reliquare which is this old house filled with a bunch of different stuff you can buy, the amusing, the unnecessary, the amazing and the unimagined. Its so green there, living in Victoria and spending most of my travelling time going between Bendigo and Melbourne you forget that places can be really green as opposed to the browns only tinged with green that I'd become used to. Penguin was beautiful too, somewhere I'd like to spend more time I think. Once I get back from this trip I'll be going over to spend more time with the family. A weekend is not long enough. I spent my last week in Australia divided between Bendigo with Dad and East Keilor with Yvette, Anthony and Miki. Time at both places was really nice and relaxing, just what I needed before the big off. Big apologies to everyone I didn't get to catch up with in person before I flew out, everyone seemed to be so spread out all of a sudden and I never seemed to be able to find a time where everyone was both free and in a place I could get to them when I was free and could get to them, I still love you and will see you when I return.
The last night in Aus was spent with Yvette, Miki and Anthony eating Taco's and Yvette's amazing mud cake (the recipe for which I will allow Yvette to keep secret :) ) under the gaze of the big smiley face of Venus, Jupiter and the crescent moon. I choose to see that as a good omen for my trip, had it happened the night after I left I would have had to interpret it as a sign that Australia was glad to see the back of me. While I didn't sleep much that night for the most part I feel pretty relaxed, I find myself smiling for no reason, maybe the satisfaction of having a plan and seeing it executed and I got up the next morning early to get to the airport for my first flight, to Sydney to connect with Etihad. Lina drove me to the airport (thank you!!) and I chatted to the girl at the Virgin check in desk about where I was going and what I was doing I was a lot more relaxed after finding out that my suitcase wasn't as heavy as I thought it was going to be and came in underweight, yayyy no excess baggage so far. One thing I've noticed as well is that when you talk to people about where you're going to live in London they all seem to have their own opinions as to what's good and what's not and they all seem to be contradictory, I'm at the point where I'm just not going to listen anymore, might as well make my own mind up when I get there. Got through security and got tested for explosives AGAIN, everytime I go through a security checkpoint they pull me over for that test, what is it about me? I talked to the explosives testing woman about the trip as well, I'm such a broken record. My brother John met me at the gate in Sydney and we scammed transfers over to the international terminal with Virgin, (I cant believe they try and charge you to do that) and after check in settled into this Italian restaurant in the food court that had quite a nice beer garden considering its at an airport. Made my way through the gamut of customs, through the last temptation of duty free and on to my Etihad plane bound for Abu Dhabi. I don't know where its the lack of sleep or the surfeit of things to do but mostly how I feel about all this is really calm, touch wood it'll stay that way, maybe its because I feel like its the right thing to do, I have my moments of smiling like a moron but mostly I'm relaxed, it was almost disconcerting, I'm used to freaking out about stuff like this.
Flight was pretty good for the most part, pretty spacious for economy and their onboard entertainment was fantastic, they had about 100 odd movies of all different genres one of which was The Dark Knight so I watched that for the 4th time while crossing Australia. The person sitting next to me was a 12 year old called Carys who was travelling on her own for the first time to London, she and I amused ourselves cheating at Battleship and playing Reversi which were a few of the online games but after 15 hours anything becomes a little wearing and so somewhere in the sky above Chennai I started to get restless. Oh I saw these weird lights in the Java Strait that I'm assuming were oil rigs but I have to google to check for sure and there was an amazing lightning storm over Dubai as we came in to Abu Dhabi.

In our next instalment: Arriving at Abu Dhabi or will they let Jane in the country and National Day or pimp out your car with pictures of the Sheik.